How can birth workers support families suffering
pregnancy and infant loss?
“Many of us struggle to provide bereavement support. Our compassionate side wants to reach out to the family but we feel unprepared and unequipped. Most hospitals offer a standard of care for perinatal loss patients, but few provide staff education and training to ensure that standard. Contributing to our unease, perinatal loss happens infrequently enough to lessen skills.” -from the book Companioning at a Time of Perinatal Loss
Our routine procedures and protocols don’t always fit bereavement situations. Even if we are taught how to handle these situations, we may not have time to show we care in a compassionate way. It is hard for us, as birth workers who are taught to help people, to overcome the idea that we are not responsible for making it better. We are responsible for being a partner in the process. We must come to terms with the fact that it isn’t ours to fix. It is not our mission to treat the grief. Rather, it is our privilege to continue providing presence and light where we can. Our aftercare also helps them collect tools for survival and offer respite from the rest of the world.
Communication is our biggest fear and we are expected to do it well with people we have never met before. We are afraid of silence, so we fill that space with words. We are afraid to say anything so we limit our time in the room. It's hard to communicate in a crisis. Families hear about 20% of what is said. We need to use few words, but clearly communicate what we are trying to say/ask. A conversation is not “let me explain about options for care,” it is “tell me what you are thinking about,” a method for linking information together. We have to overcompensate but adjusting how we communicate. In this case, we need to provide written postpartum instructions and point to them directly where the mother can see when we give them to her. Communicating is the way that we will learn what will help the family heal. For one family healing might be to see the place where the baby will lay after birth. For another family, healing will look like removing all evidence of a birth until they are ready. We won’t know what the positives are or healing is for the family until they tell us.
Think of the family as the patient. They are coming to us at their most vulnerable time. The need space, but they need to know we are there to help, show we care, and assist in the transitioning into a life without their new baby. We have the gigantic task of not only communicating with the family, but helping them communicate with each other and helping them transition to going home. They won’t go back to who they were, they will morph through mourning into a new being entirely. They will learn to live with the grief. Birth is about more than just having a healthy baby. The imprint of birth is left on the mother for the rest of her life and how she feels about it matters. Proper etiquette in speaking to someone in so much pain is not common knowledge. Let me help you help them.
Our routine procedures and protocols don’t always fit bereavement situations. Even if we are taught how to handle these situations, we may not have time to show we care in a compassionate way. It is hard for us, as birth workers who are taught to help people, to overcome the idea that we are not responsible for making it better. We are responsible for being a partner in the process. We must come to terms with the fact that it isn’t ours to fix. It is not our mission to treat the grief. Rather, it is our privilege to continue providing presence and light where we can. Our aftercare also helps them collect tools for survival and offer respite from the rest of the world.
Communication is our biggest fear and we are expected to do it well with people we have never met before. We are afraid of silence, so we fill that space with words. We are afraid to say anything so we limit our time in the room. It's hard to communicate in a crisis. Families hear about 20% of what is said. We need to use few words, but clearly communicate what we are trying to say/ask. A conversation is not “let me explain about options for care,” it is “tell me what you are thinking about,” a method for linking information together. We have to overcompensate but adjusting how we communicate. In this case, we need to provide written postpartum instructions and point to them directly where the mother can see when we give them to her. Communicating is the way that we will learn what will help the family heal. For one family healing might be to see the place where the baby will lay after birth. For another family, healing will look like removing all evidence of a birth until they are ready. We won’t know what the positives are or healing is for the family until they tell us.
Think of the family as the patient. They are coming to us at their most vulnerable time. The need space, but they need to know we are there to help, show we care, and assist in the transitioning into a life without their new baby. We have the gigantic task of not only communicating with the family, but helping them communicate with each other and helping them transition to going home. They won’t go back to who they were, they will morph through mourning into a new being entirely. They will learn to live with the grief. Birth is about more than just having a healthy baby. The imprint of birth is left on the mother for the rest of her life and how she feels about it matters. Proper etiquette in speaking to someone in so much pain is not common knowledge. Let me help you help them.
Doctors, Nurses, Midwives, Doulas, health department staff, any clinic worker, OBGYN staff, NICU staff, anyone working with families during a wanted or unwanted pregnancy termination-This page is for you.
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The goal is to offer the family the most positive experience possibly after the death of their baby or loss of their pregnancy. The family is the only one that can define what is “positive.”
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How we can help...
First to understand, we need to learn about grief. Please read my section on the friends and family page about this.
As daily staff who will be tending to the parents during the labor and birth, here is a list of things that you can do to help in the moment:
All staff must be on the same page. Every caregiver who could potentially interact with the family should know of the loss. The last thing a family member needs is some well-meaning person to congratulate them on their birth. Knock softly before entering. All staff should announce their name, job title, and greet the family by name every time they come in the door. When speaking to the family, sit on a stool on their level. Silence phone calls and pages when in the room. Reintroduce caregivers who will follow after your shift. Have a special seat available beside the bed for partners. Have a sign on the door to remind staff and to alert housekeepers to hold off on entering.
Take time to community with the family. Is it more hurtful for families to see the baby area (bassinet) or is it more hurtful to have it hidden from view. Prepare both, it is the family's decision. We spend time exploring the concept with them, but in the end, they choose. If we adapt the current space, we create a space of honor that demonstrates how special we think their baby is.
If you have the chance to interact with the family before the baby is born and they still plan on birthing, take time to help them know what to expect and create the birthing space.
Families don’t always have a choice on things, but if they can have a choice on some things in their environment, that might help. Take some time to go through the facility and try to see it from the families perspective. Create a soft, unobtrusive, and honorable environment, a sacred space. Have low lights, pastel colors, easy on senses, quiet inside and outside the room. Some good tissues available and maybe some music playing. Have enough space for everyone to sit. Offer a waiting room away from the normal waiting room for grieving families waiting the arrival. Offer bathrooms in the room or nearby.
Provide an empowering environment for caregivers. Help families connect without distractions or pressures. Accept and encourage grieving and mourning. Gently lead the family in overcoming their fears so they can make choices and decisions that will be healing for themselves. Provide moments where the life of their baby is celebrated as well as mourned.
Hospitals have few choices where the mother can labor/deliver but some policies can be adapted. Does she have to go to a recovery room after a c-section? Can she stay in the labor and delivery room for postpartum? Can she have more than the allotted visitors? Does the mother understand the difference in continuing to stay in the maternity ward rather than a regular room? (one person stated they kept her drugged up to numb the pain)
During labor, take the time to gently slow her down. Don’t rush her into surgery. If she acts for it, instead of instinctively honoring that, don’t allow her to “hurry up and get it over with” but guide her through the labor.
If this is her first pregnancy, guide her through labor gently. Try to stay throughout your “shift” to maintain less transition from staff to staff during their stay. Communicate to the staff what the family tells you and what’s going on to minimize less staff interaction and distractions in the room and to allow everyone to “fit the puzzle pieces together.”
Think of things specifically for each family. Ask if they want you to take pictures. Ask if they want a best friend or family member to come and meet their baby. Let them take their time, never push them. Help them make decisions, but let them make them.
After the baby is born, present it like a live baby. Dress it fully. Carry it in your arms. Talk to it. Allow them to spend as much time with the baby as they want.
Teach her how to communicate with people what has happened when she leaves the hospital. Have her practice saying what she will tell co-workers and neighbors. How can she gently announce the pregnancy and death at the same time.
Keep in mind the families prospective and these intangible moments:
holding the baby for the first time, watching each family member take a turn, giving the baby a bath, how the baby feels in their arms, the smell of the room and of the newborn baby, his baby hands wrapped around a stuffed animal or a finger, the baptism water being poured on the head, the sound of the name being spoken by others.
Help the family create a memory keeper box. In early pregnancy, this might be a folder. Some things that might go in that box are: Appropriate sized clothing for baby (bonnet/hat, gown, blanket, stuffed animal), Ink footprints, Measuring tape, Crib card, ID bracelet, Photos, hand/foot molds, Baby ring, Birth certificate/death certificate/baptism certificate, Inspiration sayings or poems, Videos of baby, Copies of music played at the bedside
Find answers. When the fog lifts, families will ask the "why" question. Discuss post-mortem studies on multiple occasions. Inform the family of studies like placental exams, chromosome testing, and cultures that don't involve the actual baby.
Always offer the family options to say goodbye and also one final moment to touch and see their precious baby. Ask things like,
“Would you like some private time with your baby before you go?”
“Would you like to take your baby home with you for a few days?”
“Would you like to help prepare the body for the funeral home?”
“Would you like some more pictures? A last blessing or prayer?”
“Is there anything you hoped to have that hasn’t been done?”
If they don’t want to see their baby, try saying something like, “This will be your last chance. I’m going to leave you alone for a few minutes. If you still don’t want to see her when I come back, that will be the best decision for you.”
Keep in mind all the different roles each person plays in the families experience as well as local health department staff, ultrasound tech, abortion clinic staff:
Doctors and midwives may have established a relationship with the patient prior to the loss. They may be the one to explain the situation after an ultrasound. They provide physical care.
Midwives - Do the same as a doctor, but have the ability to support a home birth as well- though they may have to sign labor and delivery portions over to a medical doctor in a hospital setting.
Chaplin- often come to comfort the family. May have little to no medical background training or preparation.
Social Worker- role may vary from one institution to another. Can usually inform families of community resources, available to chat about personal/psychosocial issues, offer a quiet presence and willingness to listen, knowledgeable about life stresses (financial, family support).
Doula- A doula is a non-medical assistant who is experienced with and knowledgeable about the process of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum phases. We provide continuous physical, emotional, and informational support regardless of the outcome. They do not provide physical care.
Bereavement Doula- is the same as a doula, but they have extensive training in the area of bereavement. Oftentimes they are called Baby Loss Family Advocate
Nursing and Nursing Staff- Nurses care for the patient as individuals and as a collective unit. They provide hands-on intimate care 24 hours a day. Often they become the “gatekeepers,” altering and organizing the other members of the team.
If you are a doula birth worker mentioned above, thank you for coming here and learning what you can do outside of your own training to care for bereaved families. Please see the resources listed below and consider getting extensive training from Stillbirthday Network or the PAIL Network.
As daily staff who will be tending to the parents during the labor and birth, here is a list of things that you can do to help in the moment:
All staff must be on the same page. Every caregiver who could potentially interact with the family should know of the loss. The last thing a family member needs is some well-meaning person to congratulate them on their birth. Knock softly before entering. All staff should announce their name, job title, and greet the family by name every time they come in the door. When speaking to the family, sit on a stool on their level. Silence phone calls and pages when in the room. Reintroduce caregivers who will follow after your shift. Have a special seat available beside the bed for partners. Have a sign on the door to remind staff and to alert housekeepers to hold off on entering.
Take time to community with the family. Is it more hurtful for families to see the baby area (bassinet) or is it more hurtful to have it hidden from view. Prepare both, it is the family's decision. We spend time exploring the concept with them, but in the end, they choose. If we adapt the current space, we create a space of honor that demonstrates how special we think their baby is.
If you have the chance to interact with the family before the baby is born and they still plan on birthing, take time to help them know what to expect and create the birthing space.
Families don’t always have a choice on things, but if they can have a choice on some things in their environment, that might help. Take some time to go through the facility and try to see it from the families perspective. Create a soft, unobtrusive, and honorable environment, a sacred space. Have low lights, pastel colors, easy on senses, quiet inside and outside the room. Some good tissues available and maybe some music playing. Have enough space for everyone to sit. Offer a waiting room away from the normal waiting room for grieving families waiting the arrival. Offer bathrooms in the room or nearby.
Provide an empowering environment for caregivers. Help families connect without distractions or pressures. Accept and encourage grieving and mourning. Gently lead the family in overcoming their fears so they can make choices and decisions that will be healing for themselves. Provide moments where the life of their baby is celebrated as well as mourned.
Hospitals have few choices where the mother can labor/deliver but some policies can be adapted. Does she have to go to a recovery room after a c-section? Can she stay in the labor and delivery room for postpartum? Can she have more than the allotted visitors? Does the mother understand the difference in continuing to stay in the maternity ward rather than a regular room? (one person stated they kept her drugged up to numb the pain)
During labor, take the time to gently slow her down. Don’t rush her into surgery. If she acts for it, instead of instinctively honoring that, don’t allow her to “hurry up and get it over with” but guide her through the labor.
If this is her first pregnancy, guide her through labor gently. Try to stay throughout your “shift” to maintain less transition from staff to staff during their stay. Communicate to the staff what the family tells you and what’s going on to minimize less staff interaction and distractions in the room and to allow everyone to “fit the puzzle pieces together.”
Think of things specifically for each family. Ask if they want you to take pictures. Ask if they want a best friend or family member to come and meet their baby. Let them take their time, never push them. Help them make decisions, but let them make them.
After the baby is born, present it like a live baby. Dress it fully. Carry it in your arms. Talk to it. Allow them to spend as much time with the baby as they want.
Teach her how to communicate with people what has happened when she leaves the hospital. Have her practice saying what she will tell co-workers and neighbors. How can she gently announce the pregnancy and death at the same time.
Keep in mind the families prospective and these intangible moments:
holding the baby for the first time, watching each family member take a turn, giving the baby a bath, how the baby feels in their arms, the smell of the room and of the newborn baby, his baby hands wrapped around a stuffed animal or a finger, the baptism water being poured on the head, the sound of the name being spoken by others.
Help the family create a memory keeper box. In early pregnancy, this might be a folder. Some things that might go in that box are: Appropriate sized clothing for baby (bonnet/hat, gown, blanket, stuffed animal), Ink footprints, Measuring tape, Crib card, ID bracelet, Photos, hand/foot molds, Baby ring, Birth certificate/death certificate/baptism certificate, Inspiration sayings or poems, Videos of baby, Copies of music played at the bedside
Find answers. When the fog lifts, families will ask the "why" question. Discuss post-mortem studies on multiple occasions. Inform the family of studies like placental exams, chromosome testing, and cultures that don't involve the actual baby.
Always offer the family options to say goodbye and also one final moment to touch and see their precious baby. Ask things like,
“Would you like some private time with your baby before you go?”
“Would you like to take your baby home with you for a few days?”
“Would you like to help prepare the body for the funeral home?”
“Would you like some more pictures? A last blessing or prayer?”
“Is there anything you hoped to have that hasn’t been done?”
If they don’t want to see their baby, try saying something like, “This will be your last chance. I’m going to leave you alone for a few minutes. If you still don’t want to see her when I come back, that will be the best decision for you.”
Keep in mind all the different roles each person plays in the families experience as well as local health department staff, ultrasound tech, abortion clinic staff:
Doctors and midwives may have established a relationship with the patient prior to the loss. They may be the one to explain the situation after an ultrasound. They provide physical care.
Midwives - Do the same as a doctor, but have the ability to support a home birth as well- though they may have to sign labor and delivery portions over to a medical doctor in a hospital setting.
Chaplin- often come to comfort the family. May have little to no medical background training or preparation.
Social Worker- role may vary from one institution to another. Can usually inform families of community resources, available to chat about personal/psychosocial issues, offer a quiet presence and willingness to listen, knowledgeable about life stresses (financial, family support).
Doula- A doula is a non-medical assistant who is experienced with and knowledgeable about the process of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum phases. We provide continuous physical, emotional, and informational support regardless of the outcome. They do not provide physical care.
Bereavement Doula- is the same as a doula, but they have extensive training in the area of bereavement. Oftentimes they are called Baby Loss Family Advocate
Nursing and Nursing Staff- Nurses care for the patient as individuals and as a collective unit. They provide hands-on intimate care 24 hours a day. Often they become the “gatekeepers,” altering and organizing the other members of the team.
If you are a doula birth worker mentioned above, thank you for coming here and learning what you can do outside of your own training to care for bereaved families. Please see the resources listed below and consider getting extensive training from Stillbirthday Network or the PAIL Network.
Tips on communicating with the patient
It is no secret how the common person always notes and later discuss with others the bedside manner of a medical professional. In this situation, it is PARAMOUNT that we create the most positive experience possible. Here are some tips on how we, as birth workers, can do that:
Get on their level and speak softly every time you talk to them. Every time you enter the room, knock softly. Announce your name, title, and address the family by name. Think about what you are going to say before you go into the room or address the family. What is your reason for entering and what information will help you make your job better? Follow their lead. There will be some parents who don't name their child, or who don't want to share the baby's name. If you are unsure, don't be afraid to ask them what they are comfortable with. Be a good listener by caring and asking questions. Your gut instinct may be to give the parents space and privacy until they are ready to talk, but if everyone does this, they may feel they have too much space and on one to talk to. Think of the entire family as the “patient” but when needing to speak about decisions or progress, ask the parents, “I’d like to talk about what’s going on. Whom would you like to help in that conversation?” Restate during the conversation. It helps to clarify and encourage the new family. “All the things you've told me said that you really love your baby and want what's best for her, is that right?” Learn how to have a caring conversation. Clear your schedule to allow for the family needs. If you can’t, find someone who can. Concentrate on present issues first. Allow time for the family to think through one thing at a time. Offer the same information multiple times using the same language. Speak slowly, in a low voice. Speak clearly and pause every few sentences. Use everyday terminology when possible. A lot of people don’t even know what the word bereavement is, so try to find another word that means the same thing, like a family who is mourning the loss of a loved one. Keep in mind the family’s race, religion, language, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, family origin, folk beliefs and practices, ethical positions, biases and prejudices, and chosen lifestyle. With all of this at the forefront of your mind, you are more likely to ignore possible stereotypes and focus on the whole picture.
In the case of a early pregnancy loss or life-limiting diagnosis:
Honor the means they choose to communicate. Some women feel better communicating via text than phone calls.
The foundation to early pregnancy loss support lies in the caregivers ability to enter into the family’s story. Leave personal feelings about the pregnancy at the door.
Help the family create a memory box or folder. If some of the things from the above list can’t be added to the box, make things to add to the box. Maternity photos at any stage can be helpful. Sometimes the family knew only days or hours before the loss that they were pregnant. Help them come to terms with that and communicate to their family what has happened.
When communicating, keep in mind the parent is mourning the loss of their child as well as who that child would become. Respect and honor the numbness during a crisis. Many parents are overwhelmed and unsure how to act.
Become curious to invite the parents to tell their story by asking things like, “Has finding out about what happened with your pregnancy been hard for you?” (don’t assume that is has.) can open the conversion to physical care, “How long have your known you were pregnant?” and “How far along do you think you were?” Ask if they gave the baby a name. Ask if they had a bereavement doula to help with the process of moving on without forgetting what happened. It is never too late to hire a doula. Ask if they have named the baby and encourage them to do so.
Your willingness to hear their story and ask questions tells them that you are ready to enter into their grief. Bottom of page 58 (add rest of paragraph) The foundation to early pregnancy loss support lies in the caregivers ability to enter into the family’s story. Many mothers find they are miscarrying just days or hours before the pregnancy is confirmed. -become curious to invite the parents to tell their story by asking things like, “Has finding out about what happened with your pregnancy been hard for you?” (don’t assume that it has.) can open the conversion to physical care, “How long have you known you were pregnant?” and “How far along do you think you were?” Ask if they gave the baby a name. Ask if they had a bereavement doula to help with the process of moving on without forgetting what happened. It is never too late to hire a doula.
Take some time to think about some of the questions they might ask and how you will respond. Some of the questions could be, “Why did this happen?” “Do I have to …..go through labor, see the baby, have a funeral, etc?” “Why can’t you...stop her labor, save the baby, do a c-section, take care of the baby’s body, “put her out” (give her medication), etc” “When do I have to… go to the hospital, get in bed, change my clothes, decide about the baby, get pain medication, decide about turning off the ventilator, etc?”
Get on their level and speak softly every time you talk to them. Every time you enter the room, knock softly. Announce your name, title, and address the family by name. Think about what you are going to say before you go into the room or address the family. What is your reason for entering and what information will help you make your job better? Follow their lead. There will be some parents who don't name their child, or who don't want to share the baby's name. If you are unsure, don't be afraid to ask them what they are comfortable with. Be a good listener by caring and asking questions. Your gut instinct may be to give the parents space and privacy until they are ready to talk, but if everyone does this, they may feel they have too much space and on one to talk to. Think of the entire family as the “patient” but when needing to speak about decisions or progress, ask the parents, “I’d like to talk about what’s going on. Whom would you like to help in that conversation?” Restate during the conversation. It helps to clarify and encourage the new family. “All the things you've told me said that you really love your baby and want what's best for her, is that right?” Learn how to have a caring conversation. Clear your schedule to allow for the family needs. If you can’t, find someone who can. Concentrate on present issues first. Allow time for the family to think through one thing at a time. Offer the same information multiple times using the same language. Speak slowly, in a low voice. Speak clearly and pause every few sentences. Use everyday terminology when possible. A lot of people don’t even know what the word bereavement is, so try to find another word that means the same thing, like a family who is mourning the loss of a loved one. Keep in mind the family’s race, religion, language, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, family origin, folk beliefs and practices, ethical positions, biases and prejudices, and chosen lifestyle. With all of this at the forefront of your mind, you are more likely to ignore possible stereotypes and focus on the whole picture.
In the case of a early pregnancy loss or life-limiting diagnosis:
Honor the means they choose to communicate. Some women feel better communicating via text than phone calls.
The foundation to early pregnancy loss support lies in the caregivers ability to enter into the family’s story. Leave personal feelings about the pregnancy at the door.
Help the family create a memory box or folder. If some of the things from the above list can’t be added to the box, make things to add to the box. Maternity photos at any stage can be helpful. Sometimes the family knew only days or hours before the loss that they were pregnant. Help them come to terms with that and communicate to their family what has happened.
When communicating, keep in mind the parent is mourning the loss of their child as well as who that child would become. Respect and honor the numbness during a crisis. Many parents are overwhelmed and unsure how to act.
Become curious to invite the parents to tell their story by asking things like, “Has finding out about what happened with your pregnancy been hard for you?” (don’t assume that is has.) can open the conversion to physical care, “How long have your known you were pregnant?” and “How far along do you think you were?” Ask if they gave the baby a name. Ask if they had a bereavement doula to help with the process of moving on without forgetting what happened. It is never too late to hire a doula. Ask if they have named the baby and encourage them to do so.
Your willingness to hear their story and ask questions tells them that you are ready to enter into their grief. Bottom of page 58 (add rest of paragraph) The foundation to early pregnancy loss support lies in the caregivers ability to enter into the family’s story. Many mothers find they are miscarrying just days or hours before the pregnancy is confirmed. -become curious to invite the parents to tell their story by asking things like, “Has finding out about what happened with your pregnancy been hard for you?” (don’t assume that it has.) can open the conversion to physical care, “How long have you known you were pregnant?” and “How far along do you think you were?” Ask if they gave the baby a name. Ask if they had a bereavement doula to help with the process of moving on without forgetting what happened. It is never too late to hire a doula.
Take some time to think about some of the questions they might ask and how you will respond. Some of the questions could be, “Why did this happen?” “Do I have to …..go through labor, see the baby, have a funeral, etc?” “Why can’t you...stop her labor, save the baby, do a c-section, take care of the baby’s body, “put her out” (give her medication), etc” “When do I have to… go to the hospital, get in bed, change my clothes, decide about the baby, get pain medication, decide about turning off the ventilator, etc?”
How can I make a difference in the community and with my patients after they leave the hospital?
--Help families plan a funeral or ceremony.
--Help the mother to pump breastmilk to donate if she desires.
--Hosting ways to help them connect and heal: leading support groups, memorial events (burial of ashes), workshops related to grief issues and therapy options (such as art therapy/scrapbooking, CBT, and EMDR, how to journal), hosting remembrance walks, and service-related projects that connect families together (planting a garden, making headstones)
--Think outside the box on how you can help: create a lending library, start a mentorship program to partner healing parents together or in groups with a bereavement doula
--Be mindful of sensitive dates and reach out to them at this time:
--Send a card to the family at the first birthday or another holiday. Lost for Words is one card line specific to pregnancy and infant loss. The most difficult times following a pregnancy loss are often: the return of the first menstrual cycle, the month in which the gender of the baby would have been discovered, the due date for the full term “happy” delivery, the anniversary of the positive pregnancy test date, and the loss date. Holidays within the first year can also be painful; particularly Mother’s Day/Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
--Continuing to connect: face to face visits, phone calls, emails, chat rooms, written notes and cards, newsletters from the hospital communicating about events or support groups they might be interested in
--Help hospitals come up with appropriate-sized, soft, muted clothing for babies. (gowns, sleepers, blankets, hats, cloth diapers)
--Help the mother to pump breastmilk to donate if she desires.
--Hosting ways to help them connect and heal: leading support groups, memorial events (burial of ashes), workshops related to grief issues and therapy options (such as art therapy/scrapbooking, CBT, and EMDR, how to journal), hosting remembrance walks, and service-related projects that connect families together (planting a garden, making headstones)
--Think outside the box on how you can help: create a lending library, start a mentorship program to partner healing parents together or in groups with a bereavement doula
--Be mindful of sensitive dates and reach out to them at this time:
--Send a card to the family at the first birthday or another holiday. Lost for Words is one card line specific to pregnancy and infant loss. The most difficult times following a pregnancy loss are often: the return of the first menstrual cycle, the month in which the gender of the baby would have been discovered, the due date for the full term “happy” delivery, the anniversary of the positive pregnancy test date, and the loss date. Holidays within the first year can also be painful; particularly Mother’s Day/Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
--Continuing to connect: face to face visits, phone calls, emails, chat rooms, written notes and cards, newsletters from the hospital communicating about events or support groups they might be interested in
--Help hospitals come up with appropriate-sized, soft, muted clothing for babies. (gowns, sleepers, blankets, hats, cloth diapers)
Resources
Additional Training: Stillbirthday Network, PAIL Network
Books:
Books: